Interested in attracting the extraordinary? Not satisfied with “meh” (or worse, destructive) relationships? Congratulations – and welcome to Empowered Dating & Relationships, a new paradigm. I do not believe – not for one second – that we need to settle for anything less than the very best in our lives. I think that men and women alike can come together from this space of empowerment and vitality and learn to co-create relationships that are uplifting, exciting and fulfilling. Here’s the thing, though: many (I mean, MANY) people think that finding an extraordinary life partnership is something that happens naturally and automatically, like breathing. We’ll just float gently down the stream and merrily merrily merrily ~ there’s the person of our dreams, bathed in white light and holding a big sign that reads “I’m the One”. And with that assumption comes exasperating results: the relationships we attract are complicated and “hard”. We’re oblivious to the fact that a little preparation upfront can save us heartache down the road.
What’s more, dating and relationships are completely dominated by emotions – often unacknowledged and misinterpreted – as well as subconscious beliefs which are usually self-critical and sabotaging. (They’re also dominated by hormones and chemical reactions in the brain, but I’ll steer clear of the clinical side of love for now.) These factors all join together to keep us in the dark in terms of how to attract and keep happy relationships.
The key here is that we are unaware — we are what learning therapists call Unconsciously Incompetent and what I love to call Dating Zombies. What is the cure for our zombie-ness? Empowered Dating & Relationships–which simply means to live with conscious intention, being mindful of long-term consequences, being clear about what you want for your future and acting in alignment with your highest values. Should be simple but too often we make choices unconsciously and sabotage our dreams.
To help you, allow me to present 10 principles* to keep in mind, so you can open the door to your extraordinary life and relationships.
- Know who you are and what you want. Like an iceberg, we are typically aware only of the tip, while our success and happiness depends upon what lies below the surface.
- Learn how to get what you want. Assess the information, tools, and skills you will need and acquire them. Develop creative strategies and action plans. “When you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”
- Be the “Chooser.” Take initiative and responsibility for your outcomes. Don’t react to what, or who, chooses you. Seek to create what you want in your life. (I’ve got a webinar coming up on this topic!)
- Balance your heart with your head. Make your relationship choices consciously. It’s still exciting!
- Be ready and available for commitment. Live your life and bring your dating strategy into alignment with how ready you really are for a committed relationship.
- Use the “Law Of Attraction.” Be the partner that you are seeking. Attract the partner that you want by developing yourself and living the life that you want. “If you build it, they will come.”
- Gain relationship knowledge and skills. Prepare for the love of your life by learning about relationships, improving your relationship skills, and deepening your relationships with your family, friends, and colleagues. Date for fun and practice. Take more emotional risks. Read about relationships. Get relationship coaching. Take relationship classes and workshops.
- Create a support community. Isolated singles become lonely in their relationships when they focus on a partner to meet all their social and emotional needs.
- Practice assertiveness. To get what you really want, you need to say “No” to what you don’t want.
- Be a “Successful Single.” Don’t put your life on hold waiting for a relationship to happen. Live your life vision and purpose while you are single. The best way to find your life partner is to be a happy, successful single person living the life that you really want.
I cover each principle in more depth during my monthly Empowered Dating & Relationship webinar series and workshops. Sign up for my newsletter to get advance notification and special discounts ( here ) — you’ll also receive my complimentary 5-part eCourse, Finding the Love of Your Life. Join me, won’t you?
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