How Underlying Beliefs & Emotional Attachment Submarine Your Resolutions

I’m continuing my contemplations on goal setting, New Year’s resolutions and why so few of us are able to walk the long mile to success. Last week I reflected upon the ownership of our crap. I’d like to invite us now to uncover our underlying beliefs and patterns… and to unearth any emotional benefits we may get from staying stuck.

Identify underlying beliefs
We always have a viewpoint or underlying belief about our lives and the situations we face. How often do we say to ourselves: “Things don’t go my way.” Or – “I’ll never have a lot of money in the bank.” Our viewpoints–often blinkered perspectives–are shaped by everything we experience, from our family, culture, environment, health etc. Our assumptions, beliefs and attitudes form the foundations of our lives.

The challenge with limiting beliefs is that they block manifestation. We hold them as facts, yet they are not. It’s vital to recognize that our current viewpoint is just one way of looking at a situation. To liberate us from our self-imposed limitations, we have to become aware of what our beliefs are and how they were shaped.

So how do we bring these limiting beliefs into our awareness?
Pay attention to your words and thoughts. Be aware of the words that you use since they reflect how you really feel. “Things don’t go my way”; “I’ll never be rich”; “ I can never get ahead”; “I’ll never find a boyfriend”. Those words and thoughts carry energy which then inhabit the actions you take. Also pay attention if you are repeating your family’s beliefs. For instance, take a moment to consider what your family’s attitude is toward careers and working? Was it: “Follow your dreams”? Or is it: “You have to get a job with benefits and work hard”?

Be aware of patterns. Be aware of what you bring into your life on a daily basis. Do you invite drama and strife or do you experience love and friendship? What you experience regularly reflects the state of your energy.

Also notice what happens on a day when you feel very positive. Notice what happens on a day when you feel trapped by negativity. Focus on how these events make you feel. Identifying our beliefs employs mindfulness–-which can be defined as the energy of being aware of what is happening in the moment. Thich Nhat Hanh defines mindfulness as the capacity to recognize things as they are, wherein you recognize what is going on in the here and now. When you recognize something positive, you can enjoy it; you can heal yourself by recognizing these positive elements. When something is negative, mindfulness helps you embrace it, soothe it and get some relief.

Without awareness, we act in ways that destroy us, other people and the very world in which we live.

Identify emotional benefits of staying stuck
When contemplating why you are stuck in patterns, not moving forward, or not changing, it’s important to identify the emotional benefit that you get when you do something. This part requires a great deal of self-reflection and honesty so let’s spend some time with the question: What do you get out of being in this current “stuck” state?

Here are some additional questions to consider:
Does this behavior garner attention? Do you prefer getting negative attention over no attention at all? By engaging in some sort of self-destructive behavior (i.e., eating poorly), are you subconsciously filling an emotional gap (i.e., attention from a family member)? Are you subconsciously saying, “At least I can get attention by doing this”?

Are you addicted to that feeling–the feeling of struggle? If we’ve grown up thinking that we are a failure, this feeling is familiar–it’s what we know. We become attached to viewpoint that we’re not interesting or smart or of value. We’re comfortable with failure energy because we’re good at failing. When things go right, we don’t know how to handle it.

Are you unwilling to do the work? Making long-lasting change often places us outside of our comfort zone so we need to be ok with not feeling at-ease. Long-lasting change also comes at its own pace; we need to have the patience and commitment to allow true change to manifest.

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2 thoughts on “How Underlying Beliefs & Emotional Attachment Submarine Your Resolutions

  1. Pingback: New Year’s Resolutions: Don’t dream it, be it | AuroraSana

  2. Pingback: Life doesn’t happen by osmosis | AuroraSana

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